Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
