I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
