like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
Randomize
