now i know why i became what i already was.
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
Did you pee in the oven last night??
Sex in the backyard? Check.
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
Randomize
