I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
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