My first STD was from a foam party
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
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