I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Randomize
