I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
Randomize
