thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
Walk of Shame. In a state park.
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
Randomize
