I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
So vagazzling was a success
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
