I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
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