Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
Randomize
