Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
When are your genitals available?
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
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