I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Randomize
