You don't have asthma, your pregnant
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
Randomize
