Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
Randomize
