From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
Randomize
