haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
I will pee on everything he values.
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
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