You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
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