I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
Randomize
