Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
her facebook's as public as her vagina
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
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