i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
