she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
