oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
