I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize
