On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
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The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
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I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
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