I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
I haven't been this sober since birth.
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
lets start a swedish sibling band together
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
Randomize
