in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
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