i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
My day in three words: secret purse cake
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
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