By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
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