Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
We got so high we made milksteak
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
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