college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
my being single is dangerous.
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
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