We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
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