I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
