whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
Randomize
