failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
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