Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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