I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
he laminated a picture of his dick.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
Randomize
