I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
Randomize