Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
Randomize
