Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
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