it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
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