Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Randomize
