And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
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