i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
