Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
Randomize