Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
Randomize
