Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
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