sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
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