Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
Randomize
