Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
Randomize
