got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
Randomize
