OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
Randomize
