Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
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