I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
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