I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
Randomize
