Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
Randomize
