Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize