even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
ugly people sure do ruin things
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
I'm bleeding and have questions
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
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