He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Randomize
