I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize
