You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
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