shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
But i did once see a show where a women was homeless and installed a stove in a school bus so she and her baby could live there since all the seats were taken out. As far as being homeless goes it didn't look half bad...So this is me promising to you that if i ever am living in an abandoned school bus...i will at least pimp it out with a stove so you can come over for dinner sometimes
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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