He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
Randomize
