Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
