That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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