Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
We need to get me chipped asap
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
