remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Randomize
