Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
Randomize
