chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
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