Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
Randomize
