I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
Randomize
