Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
Randomize
