I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize