We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
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